As many of you know I believe in keeping myself open to life’s opportunities. I had planned to have my intro video updated and posted by now, but I was fortunate enough to be able to give myself a new iphone as an early birthday present. 🙂
It does have speech built in for blind users like me, but there is still a pretty steep learning curve.
Since I am behind schedule on my own work, I was thrilled when Deb approached me with a request to share her story.
Debra is a subscriber to my weekly emails, and we have gotten to know each other a little bit. She doesn’t have a website or a blog yet, but that is yet another reason I want to encourage her. She is at that early stage where it is all new, confusing, and sometimes terrifying.
But once you read her story or the part of it she is sharing with us, you will know that this is one tough lady who can handle all the challenges of being a successful author. I also admire the fact that she is taking the steps she can as she can. So, grab your kleenex and prepare to be inspired.
Every child comes into this world with a clean slate, no wrong done to them , and none they have committed. As we age pain follows, and pain comes from what is put on that clean white canvas. Good is put there too, but mine was more like abstract art from a bad starving artist.
So pain is for looking back at and the future well, for me that was a very gray area. I didn’t expect to live long enough to worry about it. It didn’t start or end overnight and suffice it to say that from day one I was going to have a lot on my canvas.
There would come a time many years later when I would be able to look forward. But for now I would begin to slowly destroy everything in my way. So life continued in this circle of damage, thinking I was hurting everyone but myself , what lies we can tell ourselves. What’s worse we believe them.
One marriage and one divorce, then another both resulting in one child my little life support systems. I didn’t know then but these children would save my life.
I was a walking, talking disaster. The first divorce was easy but the second would test ever fiber of my strength. It began the way most things do slowly.
After I had a surgery the Doctor gave me the magic bottle that would make me normal and kill me at the same time, and we would be the best of friends. This began to run out, and the Doctor took the magic pills away.
So what was my next horrible decision?
What does every princess do at the end of a Disney movie ? She marries the prince. So instead of looking in the yellow pages for a prince I went to find my own at about twenty Doctors offices.
At first they were giving me the magic meds, but soon each one would stop. So instead of hunting them down, I just helped myself, and as a parting gift took their prescription pads. What a brilliant messed up addict move.
So like a baby needed a bottle I needed mine and believe me I was street smart and for over one year , I wrote my own. Obviously not the technology we have now, but really I thought I ruled the world.
How bad could it get?
Well, need I say at the end of this shopping spree for magic meds, I got caught. Was it a surprise, well yes, how could I queen of the night get caught? This time I didn’t realize I wanted to get caught. This is where my life began to go quickly down hill.
I was summoned by the police, and it was then I knew my choices would be limited. I asked for help like everyone does, in their own way. I still have yet to meet the person where they pick rehab as their first choice.
Bargaining is the first thing , then lying , I can stop I’m not an addict and on and on. I had a choice , of course I did, and I took the rehab for 500 just like in Jeopardy game, except with my life. I was a time bomb ticking just waiting to go off.
So what saved me?
Well remember the children I spoke of, they did and it wouldn’t be the first time. They didn’t wait to get me in rehab, within twenty four hours I was there. The only thing about the long walk from the foyer to my building I remember is it seemed to take forever.
When I got there the door came open and before it shut, I wanted to run. Then at that moment I knew I was there whatever that meant. Before I had to answer one question I wanted to go back to my pills , and I missed my children. Where were the magic pills now?
I told myself a lot of lies but this one had to be the one I wished I could have believed. From the time I got through the check in process, I started the long road, one I thought would be easy, another lie I told myself.
I was slowly taken off the magic meds, then came the detox, I wanted to die and no breaks
there, every day group after group,no caffeine a completely scheduled life.
At night it was field trips to AA meetings.
The group’s were meant to break you down.
and the day they called me a junkie, I almost died. Never before had I even thought of that.
I was an upper class addict, another lie I told myself.
They broke me down and I couldn’t talk fast enough.
Wow I could tell the truth!
I was shattered into a million pieces, like a busted mirror and I had to pick those pieces up. While I did this I had to look at myself in each piece.
I kept the good pieces and through away the bad slivers.
I had been reviewed and diagnosed and examined. Then it was time to go home and believe it or not, I didn’t want to leave!
This was twenty two years ago and I have gone through things that have tested me everyday. But I’m okay. I’m more than okay.
I’ve been married to a good man for eighteen years. My children went through my recovery and turned out to be amazing people. And I have six grandchildren.
I came back from the place some sadly never do death. I work everyday to move with life.
Now I can drive to the coast and I wait for the first look at her. The ocean it’s crashing separate waves that move together like a high kick chorus line on Broadway. It holds hands until they touch the shoreline and slowly move in and out.
That’s what I see now not hate or death, or damage but something amazing . I get that chance where once I thought I had run out of chances.
I want to thank Max for not only encouraging me to start sharing my story openly but for so generously giving me space on his site to do so. He has inspired me to take those first few baby steps and I’m glad to call him a friend.
And thank you for reading and for supporting another person wanting to share her story in hopes of inspiring and motivating others not to give up on themselves.
I should mention that this is the first time I have included such a guest post. The earlier one that Lorraine wrote was a collaborative effort between me, her, and Kerry Kijewski. This one is all Debra.
You can find out more about her in the bio section below. I hope you do decide to connect with her and encourage her to share more of her story.
Sharing is caring
Like I said in the beginning my primary goal of sharing her post with you was to encourage someone taking those first few tentative steps on the path to who they will hopefully become. It sounds like her story could eventually become a book.
But this won’t happen without your help. She needs to know how well she is doing. So, its important that you leave comments and that you share this post with your friends, family, coworkers, and social media networks. I can’t wait to hear what you think of Deb and her first effort at sharing what must still be a painful story.
And I want to thank you for taking the time to read my posts. I plan to write more often and continue to do my best to inspire and motivate you. My next post will probably be about my new iPhone. 😉
But until then I hope you know I’m here for you. I want to help in whatever small way I can. Feel free to write any time.
Thanks again and take care out there my friends, Max
My name is Deb Morgan, born and raised in Colorado, left in 2000 for Phoenix for mine and my husband’s jobs. About three years ago we moved to our twilight years home the Pacific northwest Eugene Oregon.
I have 2 children A daughter that is married with a little boy and a step son. My Son is married and has 3 little girls and a boy.
This is an old and new experience for me. Writing is something I’ve done for a while but, now it’s time that I do what I have wanted to, and been told to by friends and family for years . That is get the books out!
So you are going to be part of the process and I’m happy that you have chosen to check out my media pages. I have a website in the works it will show up here and on Twitter when it’s done. I hope if anything this is a fun experience. And so to my new community of friends thank you !
Face Book Writing with Deb
Linked In Debra Morgan